Here’s a popular question I get asked.
It’s an important one too!
The question is how many dates you should go on before having sex with a girl.
You don’t want to go for sex too early, as it will make women’s ASD spike, but you also don’t want to go too late, as you don’t want to waste your time.
What is the happy medium?
Let’s get into it…
How Many?
I recommend that you go on ONE date before sex.
This means that you should be going for sex on the SECOND date.
Our cultural programming tells us that something physical needs to happen on the third date, but we’re not about following the female imperative here.
You don’t want to go for sex on the first date due to ASD.
Let me elaborate more…
First Date is For Rapport
I like to say that the first date is for rapport.
The idea is that if you go for sex on the first date before serious rapport is established, it either triggers massive ASD and she gets really uncomfortable, or the ASD causes her to not want to see you again.
If you’re looking to create FWB arrangements, you’re better served going for sex on the second date.
The first date should last around an hour, and you should talk for 15 minutes while directing the conversation.
If at the end of the date, you get those warm fuzzy feelings of a date having gone well, you’re very likely to have sex on the second date!
Try to avoid interview topics.
Instead, steer the conversation towards something that she really likes to do and let her talk about it.
Reflect her emotions back at her and you’ll have great rapport!
Once you’ve had your first date, it’s time for the second…
Second Date At Your Place
Ýou want to invite her to your place for the second date.
Have some plausibly deniable activity scheduled, like watching TV, cooking something together, playing music, etc.
You want her to have some reason for why she’s coming to your place other than sex.
Once she’s there, do the activity you had planned for a bit.
Once things are going well, then you can escalate sexually.
If her body language is good, then continue.
Otherwise, back off and try again later.
It is quite likely if she comes to your place alone that she wants to sleep with you.
This is even true if she initially doesn’t want to kiss, or be physical.
Some girls just need a little bit more time to be comfortable.
Don’t push too hard, but move inexorably towards your goal.
When to Text
A lot of guys wonder when to text.
Here’s some general guidelines.
You’ll notice that the timing changes depending on what phase of the relationship you’re in.
I’ve put them in a table for you:
| Phase of the Relationship | When to Text |
| First date | Text 2-3 days before, to set it up. Confirmation text the day of. |
| After first date | Text her the next day after the first date. Set up the second date for 2-3 days from the first date. |
| Second date | Set up the second date to be 2-3 days from the first date. Confirmation text the day of. |
| After second date (you’ve had sex) | Text her something nice the next day, talking about how you had a great time (don’t mention the sex). Set up the third date for 2-3 days from the second date. |
| Third date | Set it up 2-3 days before. Confirmation the day of. |
| She’s a regular FWB (you’ve slept with her at least twice) | Once a week, for logistics only. No confirmation text. |
| She’s an NMG (non-monogamous girlfriend) | Once a week, for logistics only. No confirmation text. |
| She’s an SNMG/OM (she’s a serious non-monogamous girlfriend/open marriage) | Once a week, for logistics only. No confirmation text. |
That’s right!
Even when you’re in a serious relationship, you ONLY text for logistics.
You should never be having text conversations with a girl, no matter the relationship you’re in.
Why You Shouldn’t Try To Have Sex On the First Date
You shouldn’t try to have sex on the first date due to ASD (anti-slut defense).
Basically, a girl will believe that she’s a slut if she sleeps with you on the first date.
This is not true if your first date lasted for 10 hours or so, but you don’t want dates that long anyway.
In order to prevent ASD, you should instead have a short 1 hour long first date, and cut it short when things are going really well.
This makes her want to see you again.
You then invite her to your place on the second date and her ASD will be minimal since you had no sexual contact (other than light touching) on the first date.
Try it and see how much more likely you are to create FWBs this way!
Also, if you do happen to have sex with a girl on the first date, often it will turn into an ONS (one night stand) and she’ll not want to sleep with you again.
That is also due to ASD.
Good Places for A First Date
Great places to go for a first date are:
- The mall
- A nice coffee place
- An inexpensive bar
- A park
These are all places that allow you to have a nice chill conversation without spending money!
They are also great because if you feel that the girl isn’t right for you, you can easily leave.
You’re not locked into the social convention of staying at a dinner, or a movie, if things aren’t going well.
You’ll find that these chill environments will often allow you to have really pleasant first dates.
You shouldn’t have many first dates that go disastrously (unless you’re a complete beginner) at these places.
Good Activities For the Second Date
Here are some activities that I recommend you invite a girl to do at your place.
They are chill and fun and often easy to do for both of you.
She will have a great (plausibly deniable) reason to come over!
Here’s a list:
- Cooking food together
- Watching a movie
- Playing board games (chess/checkers)
- Playing video games
- Playing music together
- Studying (if you’re in university)
Try these out!
Once things are going well with the activity, you can escalate sexually!
Just ask her to come over to the couch, and get started!
Best Types of Relationships for Men
Oftentimes, after guys have had sex with a girl once or twice, they ask her to be their girlfriend, thinking that this will “lock-in” the sex they’re having.
It won’t.
You’re much better off trying one of these:
- FWB (friends with benefits)
- NMG (non-monogamous girlfriend)
- SNMG (serious, non-monogamous girlfriend, after 6-9 months of good behaviour)
These relationship types are amazing for guys because they allow you to maintain your independence, freedom and ability to sleep with other women.
With non-monogamy, you prevent many of the problems that traditional relationships impose upon guys!
They allow you to stay as an alpha with much less effort.
Conclusion
As you can see, you should aim for sex on the second date.
Trying for sex on the first date will often lead to ASD and ONSs, or just a rejection of sex entirely.
You’ll see that going for sex on the second date is much more likely to lead to FWB arrangements, which are a lot less work for guys in the long term.
Try it and see the results!
Good luck.
-Helios
Frequently Asked Questions:
I Often Fuck Girls On the First Date, I Think This Advice Is Bullshit Helios!
How often do your first date lays lead to FWBs?
How much time do you spend with the girls on the first date?
I’m arguing that a second date lay allows you to spend less time to get laid than the first date one and leads to more sex over time due to the increased chance for FWB arrangements.
If you’re having lots of luck with first date lays, I’d love to hear what you’re doing specifically!
Send me an email!
I Keep Texting Girls and I’m Not Getting Laid, What Gives?
Girls don’t fuck penpals.
Penpals are betas.
Text only for logistics and it should prevent the problem.
Could I Go For A Hike On the First Date?
You could!
Make it short though.
It needs to be around an hour.
Make sure you time the hike so that your goals are met!
She Is So Great, I Want Her So Bad! Helios, How Can I Get Her?
You are putting her as the prize in this situation.
You have the roles reversed.
You are the prize and there are many women out there who can make you happy.
Don’t make the mistake of pursuing this one individual girl at the expense of all others.
That will lead to your misery!
The Helios Blog 