10 Steps to Get a Non-Monogamous Girlfriend

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Here is another necessary topic.

Men keep seeing the term NMG rolling around this blog and want to know how to get one themselves.

I’ll give you a step-by-step guide on how to do it for yourself!

Basically, you do everything you do to get a FWB, and then when she asks to define the relationship, you explain the arrangement to her.

If she agrees, congrats, you’re in!

Here we go…

1 – Get Her Phone Number

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Obviously, the first step to getting a girl is to get her phone number/some way to contact her!

There are multiple ways to do so.

Any of these will do:

  1. Online dating (apps like tinder, bumble, etc.)
  2. Cold approach (talking to a random girl you’ve never met before)
  3. Warm approach (a girl gives you some kind of invitation to talk to her, like smiling at you in public)
  4. Social circle (your friends introduce you to the girl)

If you’re getting her number through cold approach/warm approach or social circle all you need to do is have a small talk conversation for a few minutes and then ask for her number.

If she agrees to give you her number, you’re good to go!

Simply text her the next day after you got her number and set up the first date!

If you’re getting her phone number from online dating see my guide on how to get an FWB online.

Here is a summary of the steps, basically, to online dating:

  1. Send her a message with a call to action and sign your name
  2. Ask her something about herself that does not involve her appearance
  3. Pitch the date for 2-3 days from the day you texted.
  4. Get the girl’s number after you have pitched the first date

2 – Go on the First Date 

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The first date should be 1 hour long and should be at one of the following venues:

  1. A park
  2. A mall
  3. A chill coffee shop
  4. A non-expensive bar

The first date is for RAPPORT ONLY!

You meet up, talk for an hour, and cut it short!

You should talk for 15 minutes, and she should talk for 45.

You need to direct the conversation towards topics she likes and is passionate about.

Once the date is going well, leave!

Remember: rapport, then cut it short.

3 – Set Up the Second Date

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The next day after your first date, if it went well, set up the second date.

The second date should be set up to be 2-3 days after you texted her.

For the second date, you invite her to your place for some kind of activity.

Here is a list of possible activities:

  1. Watching a movie
  2. Playing music
  3. Cooking together
  4. Playing games
  5. Listening to music, etc.

When she comes over, have the activity set up and do it together.

When it’s going well, you can escalate sexually.

Use her body language to help you understand if she wants to go further or not.

If she’s receptive, keep going.

If not, slow it down and try again later.

In general, if she comes over to your place and you’re alone together, she is interested in sex with you, she may just need to be more comfortable first.

4 – Set Up the Third Date

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The day after you’ve first had sex, text her and mention how you had a great time the day before (do not mention the sex directly).

Set up the third date at your place again, with a different activity planned (see the list above).

Once you’ve had sex with her twice, you can begin to text her weekly, for logistics only.

Have her come over regularly to your place (a maximum of once per week).

5 – Have a FWB Arrangement for at Least Three Months

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Even though your goal is for her to be your NMG, it should start as a FWB (friends with benefits).

In these three months, you can determine if she’s worthy of being an NMG or not.

She’s generally going to be a good NMG if:

  1. You both enjoy each other’s company
  2. She doesn’t have serious psychological problems
  3. She doesn’t do drugs
  4. She treats you well and is respectful

If she is worthy of being an NMG in your opinion and you are interested in her being that for you, you can then have “the talk” with her.

6 – Have “The Talk”

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Usually, around the three month point, women will want to define the relationship.

They will ask you something along the lines of “what are we?”.

All you have to do at that point is explain a few things.

You need to tell her the following:

  1. You will never be monogamous
  2. You really enjoy her company
  3. You’d like to get to know her better

Notice how I did not mention the word “girlfriend”.

Since this is a non-standard relationship, you don’t want her to associate it with standard tropes of BF/GF relationships.

Don’t mention the word girlfriend.

She will happily agree and your NMG arrangement can begin.

7 – Start Your NMG Arrangement

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An NMG is not that different from a FWB.

There are a few differences though.

Some things you can do with a NMG that you should NEVER do with a FWB.

Here is a list:

  1. NMGs can spend the night
  2. You can watch a movie with an NMG
  3. You can go on “theme dates” like a hike, or a fancy park, etc.
  4. You can buy them SMALL gifts VERY OCCASIONALLY

There are some things that you CAN’T DO with an NMG though.

If you do, it will signal to them that they are your monogamous GF (very bad).

Here is a list of things NOT to do with an NMG:

  1. Say you love her
  2. Buy her something for valentines day/her birthday 
  3. Have her meet your parents
  4. Texting all the time
  5. Going on fancy vacations together

Hold strong to the frame of your relationship!

8 – Maintaining Your NMG Arrangement

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To maintain your NMG arrangement, you just need to keep to the rules of your arrangement and not deviate no matter how much you like her.

Do the following:

  1. Keep texting her once a week for logistics only.
  2. Have her keep coming to your place and spending the night and doing fun things together, but never move the relationship past that point.

If she ever tries to push on your frame by implying you should do serious boyfriend things, simply decline politely.

The classic shit test answers work too:

  1. Agree and amplify
  2. Reframe

9 – Upgrading/Downgrading Your Arrangement

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If she has consistent good behaviour for a period of 1.5 years to 2 years, you may want to consider further upgrading her to an SNMG (serious non-monogamous girlfriend).

In this arrangement, you are still non-monogamous, but your other girls are only FWBs that you don’t care about.

To the public (your family, etc.) your SNMG is your girlfriend.

At this point you can do all of the regular things you would do with a girlfriend, with a few exceptions.

Still NO declarations of love, and still ONLY text for logistics.

If your SNMG starts to disrespect you or take you for granted, she can be downgraded back to a NMG (but more likely a FWB).

If your NMG is misbehaving, or constantly tests your frame, you can downgrade them to a FWB.

Do not tell them what you’re doing.

Simply stop inviting them to do fun activities with you, only invite them to your place for sex and do not let them spend the night.

They will get the message that they have seriously screwed up with you and will likely try to rectify the situation.

Conclusion

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I hope that these steps are helpful to you in getting an NMG!

Remember that an NMG is NOT a GF.

If you do all of the traditional boyfriend behaviours, you’re going to have a bad time.

Hold strong to your non-monogamous frame and you’ll do great!

Good luck.

-Helios

Frequently Asked Questions

There’s This Girl’s Phone Number That I Really Want to Get, What Do I Do?

Go talk to her!

You can talk about anything really, just don’t linger.

Talk for 10-15 minutes about something (usually related to the venue you’re in), then ask for her phone number and LEAVE.

Women look for reasons to DISQUALIFY.

You want to give her little reason to do that.

Why Can’t I Kiss A Girl On The First Date?

Sex is tension + logistics.

If you diffuse the sexual tension by kissing her before you’ve had sex, you’ll spoil your chances of a greater reward later.

Hold off for one date so that you may have MUCH better results on the second.

You Must Be a Loser Helios, You Don’t Fuck Girls On the First Date!

When I was a younger seducer, I used to think that the gold standard was sex on the first date.

I had lots of ONSs that way, but women would not want to sleep with me after.

It also often took me 8 hours plus to sleep with girls on the first date.

I wondered why, and then I realized it was because they thought of themselves as being “bad girls” for sleeping with me on the first date.

I then stopped sleeping with them on the first date and did on the second instead, and this “bad girl” thing disappeared.

It also made girls much more likely to become FWBs, so I stuck with the second-date-lay system.

Both will work, but I believe my system is simply BETTER.

You get MUCH more sex for less effort over time using the second-date-lay method.

You also only have to spend an average of three hours over two dates to get laid using the second-date-lay method (vs. the 5-8 hours it usually takes for a first date lay).

My NMG is Drifting Away From Me, What Did I Do Wrong?

Probably you started doing regular BF stuff.

Nothing makes a woman less sexually attracted than a guy who does beta/NPC/slave shit.

Even if you started off as being extremely attractive to her (alpha), your behaviour can signal to her that you’re a beta and kill the attraction she had for you.

Be strong and hold to your personality, or be replaced by someone who will.

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