Mate guarding is a well-known concept in biology.
Of course, it also happens in humans.
We’re going to discuss the alpha/beta dynamics of mate guarding today.
We’re also going to discuss why people mate guard and whether you should mate guard or not.
On we go!
What is Mate Guarding?
Mate guarding describes the actions that people take in order to protect their partner from poaching by other partners.
It is a common behaviour that is evolved in humans.
Mate guarding often presents itself as jealous feelings in response to competition anxiety and actions taken in order to allay that fear/anxiety.
Mate guarding occurs in many animals in the animal kingdom, and definitely happens in primates.
Mate guarding is done by betas (especially physically fit betas) who are experiencing scarcity.
If you only have one girl, and she is your sole access to sex, you might be tempted to fight in order to maintain you access to sex.
A man who had plenty of sex wouldn’t need to risk himself like that.
Mate Guarding in Primates
In our closest relative, the chimpanzee, mate guarding is a known phenomenon.
More “alpha” males are known to physically hurt less “alpha” chimpanzees in order to prevent them from copulating with their partners.
A lot of chimpanzee aggression is due to mate guarding.
Many chimpanzees end up permanently maimed as a result of mate guarding.
Mate guarding also occurs in orangutans and baboons in much the same way.
Effectively, the strongest males use their muscles to prevent other males from breeding.
Of course, many primates end up being severely hurt due to mate guarding.
This also applies to humans.
Who Does Mate Guarding In Humans?
In humans, both males AND females mate guard.
Males mate guard by keeping their partner away from other males and through other jealous behaviours.
Women mate guard in a similar fashion.
Obviously, mate guarding is more pronounced when the partner is considered to be valuable.
This means that if one partner considers their partner to be valuable, they will try to prevent their partner from seeking other mates (or prevent them from having the opportunity to seek other mates).
Sometimes, men even consider their partner so valuable that they would fight to protect her.
This is going in the wrong direction!
Allow me to relate this to an important rule of relationships.
The Person Who Wins the Relationship Game is the Person Who Cares the Least
The person who wins the relationship is the person who cares the least.
This means that in reality, the person who mate guards is the person LOSING the relationship game.
I’m sure you’ve heard of men mate guarding far more often than women.
This is because, for the most part, men are the LOSERS in relationships and so, their partner is more valuable than them.
I recommend against mate guarding for this reason.
By mate guarding, you are signaling to your partner that you care that they are present.
Since you seem to care more than she does, you are signaling that you need her more than she needs you.
You lose the relationship game as a result.
Women want to be with men who win the relationship game.
Is Mate Guarding Alpha or Beta Behaviour In Humans?
It is my opinion that mate guarding is beta.
For betas, women are a scarce resource, one which should be held on to no matter the cost.
Betas are much more likely to mate guard, since they have no other options.
Thus, mate guarding is a beta tell.
Since alphas have such an abundance of women, they don’t care if they lose one or two.
They are chased, rather than the chasers and are far less likely to mate guard.
When alpha men hear stories told about other men (their potential rivals) from their partner, there is often no attempt at all at mate guarding.
This is because alphas do not need to mate guard, their sex comes from multiple sources anyway.
They gain nothing really by mate guarding.
Should You Mate Guard?
As I said before, if you want to signal to the woman that she is important to you, you should mate guard.
Keep in mind that the winner of the relationship game is the one who cares about the other the least.
By mate guarding, you are signaling that your source of sex is likely only her.
She will thus lose attraction to you if you mate guard.
Rather than mate guard, you should be totally nonchalant in the face of competition.
You know that your access to sex is spread out over multiple women and so there is no NEED to mate guard.
It is an extremely powerful frame to have.
Imagine a situation where a guy is hitting on your girl and you sit there, laughing and watching as the guy shoots his shot.
When he’s done, your girl comes over to you and tells you about what he did.
Imagine that you react with a smile and tell her what she should have done to signal her interest better.
She will immediately get the clue that you don’t care at all.
How could that be possible?
Only if she was replaceable!
Her attraction will skyrocket as the dread of the reality of her situation hits her.
Consequences of Mate Guarding
In humans, there are multiple potential negative consequences to mate guarding.
Of course, the obvious one is that you have to fight, and depending on the venue you’re fighting in, you could end up seriously injured.
It is thus risky to mate guard.
Sadly, fighting in this way for a woman does NOT signal that you are an alpha.
Rather, it signals that you are a beta who experiences such scarcity of women that you have to fight for a single one.
Women thus LOSE ATTRACTION for men who mate guard over time.
Ideally, you want to keep women around with the least amount of effort, and thus, I recommend NOT mate guarding.
Aloofness is Attractive
Aloofness is extremely attractive.
When you’re aloof it signals to the woman that you don’t care.
When a girl tries to entice you into competition with another man over her, you should LET HER GO.
She will have her plans thwarted.
When she sees that you truly don’t give a shit about losing her, she will understand the message that she is replaceable.
She will thus fight to keep you around (and beat her competitors)!
You are able to turn the game around to your advantage by having multiple sexual options and demonstrating a complete aloof non-neediness.
You can cement your alpha status in her eyes by doing the counterintuitive move, rather than the obvious one.
Mate guarding is extremely common in animals, and it also exists in humans.
The person that wins the relationship game is the one that cares about the other the least.
Men who demonstrate mate guarding behaviours signal scarcity to women, and thus cause their women to experience a loss of attraction over time.
I recommend, therefore, that you practice being aloof and being totally non-reactive in the face of women’s attempts to get you to mate guard.
She will get the message that she is replaceable.
Turn the game on its head!
Frequently Asked Questions
What is Mate Guarding?
Actively trying to stop other men from getting your girl is mate guarding.
It is seen in other animals too, and women do it as well!
This Guy Was Hitting On My Girl So I Beat Him Up! I’m So Alpha!
By beating up another guy that’s trying to get your girl, you are signaling to your girl that she is so valuable to you that you would risk your health for her.
You are thus signaling that she is more important to you than your own health.
This is a beta tell.
If you had access to multiple women, you wouldn’t need to defend your own girl from poaching, since you WOULDN’T CARE if she left.
Is Mate Guarding Alpha or Beta Behaviour?
Mate guarding signals scarcity,
It is thus BETA.
You could be the strongest guy around, if you are fighting over a girl, you are signaling to her that she is above you.
AVOID mate guarding.
So You Recommend That We Learn Martial Arts But That We Don’t Exercise It To Keep Our Women? That’s Idiotic!
Martial arts is about self-control, not beating people up.
Fighting is done as a LAST RESORT, not to maintain access to a woman.
What the hell are you doing risking yourself for someone less important than yourself?