Traditional relationships are garbage.
Most people in traditional relationships (as defined by society) are miserable. Don’t believe me? Ask them!
Ask them behind closed doors, away from prying ears and you’ll hear the truth. Most wish they never did it, or wish there was another way.
Here is what I mean when I say traditional relationships for men:
- Having a traditional, monogamous girlfriend (GF)
- Being in a traditional, monogamous marriage (TMM)
If you’re in a traditional relationship in the west, you’re doing it wrong!
For many people, however, it wasn’t their fault. They simply did not know that other options existed. They went by their societal programming, and what their parents (especially their mom) taught them, and ended up there.
So what are other options to traditional relationships?
Alt text: A 1950’s drawing of a traditional nuclear family. A standard, traditional relationship style that no longer works in the west.
A Better Way than Traditionalism
Many of you are wondering, I’m sure, how you can replace traditional relationships with a different model, something that works better for you.
Many men are pissed that they have to rely on the whims of one woman to get laid. This is one of the fundamental problems of traditional relationships.
Many men also have higher sex drives than the women they are with, and are simply not satisfied sexually with the sexual quantity that their partner provides them, even if they are sexual with each other.
Well, have I got some alternatives for you!
Here are three amazing ones:
- Friends with Benefits (FWB)
- Non-monogamous girlfriends (NMG)
- Serious non-monogamous girlfriends (SNMG)/ Open Marriages (OM)
These alternative relationships fix many of the problems that traditional relationships impose upon men.
They solve the sex problem, that’s for sure, but they also improve many women’s behaviour. I’ll explain in a sec.
Alternative 1 – Friends with Benefits (FWB)
Exactly what it sounds like, you’re friends, and you’re sleeping together, but there isn’t anything more serious to the relationship than this.
The girl either knows you’re with other girls, or suspects and doesn’t care. Very often, with FWB’s, you don’t have to tell the girl you’re seeing about other girls. You date, and sleep together, have some casual conversation, and go your separate ways.
Obviously, if you have multiple FWBs you get all your sexual appetite satisfied, with none of the drama of sexual denial. It is very easy for you to stop seeing a girl who you’re only sleeping with and don’t know that well.
With a FWB, you only meet up and sleep together with very casual hanging out, there is no relationship stuff, really.
The true power of the FWB arrangement is that many women are held at threatpoint in this kind of relationship, very similarly to how men are held at threatpoint in a marriage.
The girl knows that if she misbehaves or is too annoying, you’ll instantly drop her for your other options, stated or not. This parallels marriage exactly. In marriage, men know if they step too far out of line, their entire life is gone, axed by divorce.
Notice however, that in a FWB arrangement, the woman simply loses access to an attractive man, and no loss of money or property happens. Which arrangement is worse for the other partner?
Certainly FWBs are not destructive the way TMM is.
The woman enters into a FWB arrangement knowing what’s going to happen, and no real loss, other than hurt feelings happen at the end of an FWB. It is almost always a clean break.
Something interesting also happens in FWB arrangements that many men, including myself, have noticed:
Women often ghost out of FWB arrangements. No drama-intense breakup occurs.
What this means for you, is that if you’re a drama-hating guy (and many men are), FWBs are amazing for you!
Something even more amazing often happens:
If a girl ghosts out of an FWB with you, she’s bound to boomerang later.
The strategy is simply to not message her ever for 4-6 months and then re-contact her. She will very often agree to a meet and sleep with you again like nothing happened. You can then resume the FWB, no problem!
What this means is, ironically, FWB’s are some of the most stable long-term arrangements you can get!
Over time, you can have a woman and in fact, several women for many years, albeit with small breaks as they try other guys and inevitably realise that you were the best of them.
The only problem with FWB arrangements is jealousy on the part of men (women are often not as jealous). Men often wreck FWBs by trying to control them.
Don’t.
Let her flit from flower to flower while you remain the rock and she will come back over and over. Many women desire stability, and will come back to you just to feel that sense of non-judgment and love that only an alpha like you can provide.
Important Note: She isn’t allowed to spend the night in this arrangement. It blurs the lines too much. Keep that in mind.
Some guys don’t like how casual this is, so here is an alternative for you guys who want something more serious…
Alternative 2 – Non-monogamous Girlfriend (NMG)
After about three months of FWB, most girls will ask to define the relationship. They’ll ask you something like “what are we”, or “where do we stand?”
If you don’t want something more serious, simply say “I like how things are going with us and I’d like things to continue like this”.
If you want something more serious, you have to have “the talk” with a girl.
You’ll have to tell her something like this:
“I like you very much, but I need you to know that I will always be with multiple women. You are totally allowed to want to be with someone who isn’t like this, but it will not be me. Of course, if you’re with me and you want to be with other men, you’re free to do what you want, I will not force you to be monogamous with me”
If she still wants to be with you, congratulations, you’re now in an NMG situation!
Some girls will refuse and leave at this point, but it doesn’t matter, you had multiple girls anyway, right?
With an NMG situation, you are doing relationship stuff together, but not everything.
Here are some examples of things you do in an NMG:
- You “go out” together, as in, you watch movies, go to museums, restaurants, parties, etc.
- You hang out at your place
- You go on trips together, such as hiking and rock-climbing
- You hang out with your friends and your NMG comes with you
- You can let her spend the night at your place
- You text her occasionally, to meet up
As you can see, many of these are exactly things that you would do with a GF, but here are some things you NEVER do with an NMG.
Here is a list to NEVER do:
- Lend her money
- Carry her purse
- Go shopping with her (to buy things she wants)
- Buy her expensive things
- Introduce her to your parents
- Tell her you love her
- Text her every day
These are all things that put you in the beta/provider category. Once you’re firmly there, the disrespect begins and she’ll replace you with you, the guy she initially fell in lust with.
With a NMG, you get the best of both worlds. You can have a more serious relationship, while still being able to see and sleep with other women.
There is also the benefit of potentially having threesomes in this arrangement. Some of your NMGs will want to sleep with their acquaintances who are women, and you can happily oblige, benefitting from your non-monogamous and accepting frame.
Of course, even with an NMG, you have to be alright with her sleeping with other guys.
You cannot hold a woman in a one-sided non-monogamous relationship.
As much as the harem fantasy exists in men, know that it is only maintainable for about a year before it breaks, and “your” woman feels heavy resentment.
Ask me how I know.
Here is a super important point:
Jealousy management is key to both FWB and NMG arrangements. In fact, if you can learn to control your natural male instinct to mate guard, you can get laid like you never imagined.
Always keep your non-needy, non-judgmental frame. Also make sure that you don’t give her details about other girls you’re seeing. You can tell her that you’ll always be with other girls, but no more. Details lead to super drama.
But Helios, what if I found that one special girl who isn’t like the rest and I want to get married?
If you get into a TMM (traditional monogamous marriage) arrangement with any girl, the word idiot isn’t good enough for you. You’re too far gone for advice at that point. Do you really want to sign your life on that dotted line?
There is no one special girl, but there are some that you can go even further with than NMG with.
Let’s explore that next!
Alternative 3 – Serious Non-Monogamous Girlfriend (SNMG) / Open Marriage (OM) Arrangement
Serious Non-Monogamous Girlfriends and Open Marriages are for older men only!
Let me repeat this two more times.
Serious Non-Monogamous Girlfriends and Open Marriages are for older men only!
Serious Non-Monogamous Girlfriends and Open Marriages are for older men only!
Seriously Helios? I can’t have a girlfriend until I’m older?
I didn’t say that. Have as many NMGs as you like, but nothing more serious!
Helios, how old is old?
The minimum age for an SNMG or OM for a man is 35, though I would recommend 40.
But Helios! She’s 19, and I took her virginity and she loves me and says she always will!
Honeymoon phase, my son. Also, you can’t hold a teenager in a stable, serious arrangement.
Women are dream killers.
Once you have a girl in a serious arrangement, you will make no more progress in life, especially if you have kids. Your time will be spent managing that relationship and spending money on kids.
No more travelling, or dreaming big.
I mean, that isn’t strictly true. If you use my SNMG/OM model, you still can do these things, but you’ll have a financial chain regardless (your children) that will hold you for at least 20 years if not more.
Here are some things to consider if you want a SNMG or OM:
- You need a parenting plan, signed by a lawyer
- All your finances should be separate
- All property is owned by either one person, or the other, never both
- Prenup
- Divorce allocations should be determined before marriage, in the prenup
- No co-leases/co-financing of anything
- The man needs a logistical way to sleep with other women discreetly without super drama (a small apartment, or other venue)
And on top of that you need to be able to maintain frame and a positive disposition while living with the girl too.
Something very important about OM’s and SNMG’s is that you both agree to some rules. You can’t both do everything you want anymore. Here are the rules for an SNMG/OM:
- You both can sleep with other people, but nothing more. No dates, no romantic dinners, no long strolls by the beach, no activities together, nothing. Just sex.
- You both agree to certain rules around the house, such as who has to do which chores, and stick to it (on the basis of income)
- You live together, but the lease/mortgage is only in one person’s name
SNMGs and OMs are not for the lighthearted, that’s for sure.
But Helios, if I just stay alpha and hold frame well enough, I can hold a girl in a TMM!
Yeah, you’re a fool. Humans are not monogamous. Life is not fair, deal with it!
How Old Should the Girl Be if I’m Considering a SNMG or OM with Her?
For an SNMG or OM, the absolute youngest a girl can be is 25, though I would recommend 27.
She’s too busy discovering herself, or being strong and independent before then.
The girl should be stable in her love of you and should not overly piss you off. You should also have some activities you both like doing together.
She should be alright with you sleeping with other women, and you should be alright with her sleeping with other men.
Conclusion
Traditional relationships, defined as the regular GF or TMM (traditional monogamous) relationships are terrible for men.
You should instead choose relationships that work better for you.
They are:
- FWBs (friend with benefits)
- NMGs (non-monogamous girlfriends)
- SNMGs/OMs (serious non-monogamous girlfriends/open marriages)
These relationships can actually lead to long term, stable happiness!
Never sign your life on that dotted line…
Good luck 🙂
-Helios
The Helios Blog 