We’re not all experts at seduction. None of us start that way.
Many men that are new to seduction or are less experienced with women often struggle with this simple question:
How do I get a girl’s number? Once I have her number, how do I get a date?
Obviously, if your goal is to get laid, you need some way to contact the girl.
Her phone number is an easy one.
The problem is, you can’t just go up to a girl and ask for her number.
There needs to be a little preamble first.
Luckily for you, you have me…
Part 1- How To Get A Girl’s Number
1 – The Talk Leading Up To Asking For A Girl’s Number
There are two places that you could get a girl’s number, generally:
- In person
- Online
The talk leading up to getting the girl’s number changes depending on which place you’re talking to the girl in.
If you’re talking to a new girl in person, we’re talking about daygame.
If you’re talking to a new girl online, we’re talking about online game.
Let’s elaborate on the two approaches and how you should proceed for each one…
2 – Getting A Girl’s Number In Person
A lot of guys find approaching in person tough, but if you follow the rules, you’ll be ok.
Let’s say that you’re in a bookstore and you see a pretty girl whose number you’d like.
Here’s the steps to what you’re supposed to do:
- Approach her:
You want to go right up to her and talk.
NEVER approach a girl from behind. This is especially true if you’re a big guy. You’ll scare the hell out of her.
She has to see you out of the corner of her eye at least, so approach from the front, or diagonally from the front.
- Mention something about the venue or the item she’s holding to initiate the conversation:
You want some natural, plausibly deniable reason why you’re talking to her.
If she’s reading a book, ask what it’s about, or who the author is. Something like “Hey, what you reading?” OR “Hey! I’ve heard of that author, he/she’s great!”
- Mention that you have to go soon.
Giving a time constraint takes the pressure off the girl. She knows you’re gonna leave, so she doesn’t have to make it awkward!
- Talk to her for about 5-10 minutes about the topic you initiated.
Basically, you’re having a normal small talk conversation related to the common interest you have at that venue.
If you do this right, and you can tell by her body language if you are, she’ll see you as a normal, brave dude, who’s interested in the same thing as her.
- Try to fit in some kind of joke or something you like about her during this 5-10 minute conversation. It CANNOT be her appearance that you mention liking (you can say you like her ring, or her necklace, or her outfit, whatever, but NOT her eyes, her body, etc.).
This builds rapport, which is extremely important if you want to eventually get her number.
Do NOT get too personal too quickly.
Compliment her on something a grandma might compliment her on, NOT her appearance!
- After 5-10 minutes of normal conversation, you’re going to tell her you have to go, but you’d like to talk to her more. Open your phone to a blank new contact page, hand her the phone and tell her to add herself.
If she does it, congrats, you’re in!
If she gives any kind of excuse for why she doesn’t want to, don’t push it! Say it was nice to meet her and walk away.
She rejected you nicely. Don’t worry, you’ll do better next time!
- Politely excuse yourself and leave the venue.
Once you’ve gotten her phone number, you don’t want to linger.
Go somewhere else and leave the girl alone! You want her to think about the pleasant conversation you had, and not that you creepily hung around after.
Approaching in person really is that simple!
Now, on to online dating…
3 – Getting A Girl’s Number Online
For a more in depth guide, see my guide on how to get a FWB online.
Online is different from in person.
You’re not going to ask for her number, you’re actually going to pitch a date, and then ask for her number.
Here are the steps to getting a girl’s number online:
- Message her with your opener:
A good opener is this one:
“Hey ______, you seem fun 🙂 You should message me! – Your Name”
This one is good because it has a call to action. Also, it makes her want to qualify herself, since you said she “seems” fun.
Also, it isn’t an opener that everyone online is using. Most NPC’s just say “hey”, or “sup”.
- After she answers your opener, reply to her reply, then ask her a fun question text:
Here is an example fun question text you could send:
“If you were stranded on a desert island alone, what would be two things that you would bring with you? I have some good guesses, but I’m sure you know better :)”
- When she replies to the fun question text, reply to her reply, then pitch the date:
Example date pitch:
“We should totally meet up 🙂 How about we meet at *insert place here* at *insert time here*. We’ll go for a chill walk/drink/hangout.”
I follow a model that gets the girl to decide quickly if she likes you or not.
If she doesn’t agree to meet by the third exchange, she was a timewaster anyway, and you saved time by ending the conversation there.
- After she agrees to come on the date, reply to her reply, then send her your number:
Example text to send:
“Nice! Text me at (111) 222 3333.”
As you can see, getting the phone number online is harder, but let’s be real, it takes less balls.
Also, notice that we’ve set up a date! No more work is needed, except one thing.
You have to send her a confirmation text the day of the date, to make sure she’s showing up.
At 9-10am the day of your date, just message her with the details of the meet again.
Say something like:
“Hey *her name*! I’ll see you at *insert time here* at *insert place here* :)”
Now, let me show you how to text in order to get a girl to come out on a date if you’ve gotten her number in person…
Part 2 – Setting Up A Date With the Girl Who’s Number You Got In Person
Step 1 – The Opener
So you want to go on a date?
First, you’re going to need to set it up!
You need to send the girl an opener if you want to meet up.
You want to send her this opener the day after you got her number.
The key to the opener here is you need to reference that initial conversation you had when you met.
Say something like this:
“Hey *girl’s name*, it’s *your name*, that guy you met at *insert venue here*! We talked about *insert author’s name here* 🙂 What’s up?”
When she replies, our goal is to get a date set up within 3 messages…
Step 2 – Continue the Conversation In A Fun Way
When she replies to you, reply to her reply, and then ask her this:
“Doing anything fun this week?”
This message is great because if she is doing something fun, she’ll get a bunch of good feelings talking about it. If she isn’t, then you pitching her a date will give her some fun this week!
Fun and fun! Amazing.
Step 3 – Finally pitch the date
If she replied to the message you sent her about doing something fun this week, then it’s time to pitch the date!
Reply to her reply, and then send her this:
“We should totally meet up 🙂 How about we meet at *insert place here* at *insert time here*. We’ll go for a chill walk/drink/hangout.”
If she replies to this and agrees, great! You’ve got yourself a date!
If she doesn’t reply, tough luck.
She may not be interested in you. Luckily for you, you haven’t wasted any time really!
Time to move on to the next option…
A reminder: text her the day of your date at 9/10am, reminding her of where and when you’re meeting.
If she replies to your confirmation text, excellent! Go have your date!
But what if she doesn’t…
Part 3 – What to Do If She Flakes
Part 1 – Send Her A Reboot Text
If she doesn’t reply to your confirmation text, she’s flaking. If she flakes, you change your plans for yourself, and try a reboot text.
A reboot text is when you try and set up a new date with a girl who’s flaked.
Send these texts 1-2 days after she flaked.
Don’t get your hopes up. If she’s flaked once, she’s liable to flake again.
A reboot text follows exactly the same pattern as the online dating text pattern above.
I’ve pasted it here for convenience:
Opener:
Hey ______, you seem fun 🙂 You should message me! – Your Name
Fun Question:
“If you were stranded on a desert island alone, what would be two things that you would bring with you? I have some good guesses, but I’m sure you know better :)”
Date Pitch:
“We should totally meet up 🙂 How about we meet at *insert place here* at *insert time here*. We’ll go for a chill walk/drink/hangout.”
Part 2 – Cultivate Other Options
You wouldn’t really care if a girl flaked on you if you had other options to date.
I recommend that you make many approaches to fill your funnel with potential women so that flaking isn’t a big deal.
A good bet is to approach 100 girls in person, or 350 girls online.
Make sure that your 100 in person approaches aren’t in the same venue, or at the same time one after the other.
People are going to think you’re creepy if you’re at the bookstore to pick up girls and not to get a book.
The in person approaches should be natural. Wherever you happen to be while you’re doing your errands, you slot in an approach or two.
Conclusion
Getting a girl’s number is easy if you know how to do it.
The way you get a girl’s number changes if you’re in person or online.
In person, you want a conversation no longer than 5-10 minutes before you get a girl’s number.
Online, you want an exchange of no longer than three messages before you pitch your date.
Make sure that you send a confirmation text the day of your date so that you can verify if the girl is flaking or not.
If she flakes, you can attempt a reboot text.
You don’t have to worry about girls flaking on you if you have a large network of girls you’re seeing.
Make approaches to fill your funnel of women!
Good luck and have fun on your dates!
-Helios
Frequently Asked Questions:
How Do I Talk to That Pretty Girl Over There?
From the front, preferably.
Mention something from the venue you both are in to initiate the conversation.
Don’t talk too long and get her number! She’s busy too!
She Said She Had a Boyfriend and Didn’t Give Me Her Number, What Do I Do To Get Her Number Anyway?
She’s not interested!
Move on to a new prospect!
My Girl Didn’t Reply to My Confirmation Text, Do I Still Go to the Place We Planned On Meeting At?
Nope!
If she didn’t answer the confirmation text and ends up showing up anyway, she’ll see that she didn’t reply to you and feel guilty.
She might even apologize and chase you as a result.
This is not a bad result for you.
A bad result would be you showing up and her flaking. That would be awful and a waste of your time.
Don’t waste your valuable time!
Helios, She Keeps Messaging Me, What Do I Do?
Have you fucked her yet?
If you’ve fucked her twice, you message her once a week, for logistics only.
If she wants to have long penpal conversations before you’ve had sex, you need to reply very seldom and with few words.
No penpals!
Texting her a bunch before you’ve had sex puts you in the beta/friendzone. Don’t go there.
Always limit your texting with women you’re trying to sleep with.
She Didn’t Reply to My Reboot Text, What Do I Do?
Wait a week, then send another one.
If she doesn’t reply to that one, she’s gone.
Message your other options!
If She Doesn’t Reply, Do I Keep Texting?
Are you a needy beta? Then yes!
Otherwise, no!
Don’t EVER double or triple text a girl. It is needy.
If she doesn’t reply the first time, you spend your time messaging other girls.
The Helios Blog 