Desire Cannot Be Negotiated

Another tough topic, I must be on a roll!

This is one that many men need to hear.

You cannot negotiate or bargain for desire.

Many men spend months, or even years doing it!

It leads to extreme misery in men, sadly.

Let’s explain why…

1 – Desire Cannot Be Negotiated

You cannot give a girl something to make her desire you.

If she doesn’t like you and puts you in the friendzone, there is little you can do to flip things (other than leave, and change yourself into another guy).

Let me explain a simple concept to help you understand.

A man’s sexual attraction is like a river.

It never stops flowing as long as we live.

We are always on, and we are especially on if we’re with a woman we really like. 

Our river surges in that case.

Women are not like this.

They’re more like an electrical circuit.

If she likes you, the light is on.

If anything should happen to break her fuse, the light goes off and there’s nothing you can do to turn the light back on.

The only thing that will turn the light back on is to use a different fuse (a new guy).

Many men, in response to the fuse breaking and the light going off, try all kinds of things to get their girl to start being attracted to them again.

They try gifts, they try dates, they try doing more chores.

NOTHING will work, since the fuse is broken.

The ONLY thing that will get her going again is a new guy.

If you’ve ever seen this, and I’m sure many of you have, it is like night and day.

One second, you’re having a good time and she really likes you, the next second, the light is off, and you’re done.

No negotiation will help you past that point.

My suggestion for you is to SIMPLY MOVE ON.

If you were non-monogamous at this point, it’s a little annoying, but not overly so.

You didn’t have all your eggs in one basket, and so, even if it takes you a little bit of time to replace the girl, your access to sex has not been reduced in any serious way.

2 – Alpha vs. Beta

It keeps coming back to this, I know.

The truth is going to be hard to hear, but here it is.

Some women will NOT see you as alpha, no matter what you do.

No amount of grovelling or showing off will make her want you.

You should not try to negotiate attraction with women that aren’t interested in you.

It is foolish.

Even if you’re an outcome independent, fit rich guy, there will STILL be women who simply are not interested in you no matter what you do.

That should not bother you.

In the same way that you probably don’t like certain kinds of music and certain kinds of food, women simply don’t like certain kinds of men, even though other women enjoy them a lot.

Your job is NOT to try and seduce every girl in the world.

Your job is to find your niche and learn how to seduce women in that niche effectively.

This will give you abundance beyond your wildest dreams.

You simply have to put in the work and understand that you’re not going to be alpha to every girl you meet.

That’s ok.

Don’t try and negotiate with women who aren’t interested or try and convince them that you’re good enough.

Move on.

You will be ok without the women that don’t see your value.

3 – Attraction Isn’t A Choice

Attraction is not a choice.

I’m sure you’ve experienced this in your life.

You look at a girl which on paper maybe you wouldn’t consider attractive, but there’s just something about her that turns you on.

That is a demonstration of this concept.

The same applies for women.

Many women don’t get to choose who they are attracted to, it just happens.

What that means is that you should not be upset if she’s not interested in you.

It’s not her fault, blame her biology, which she had no control over.

If you want to maximize how many women are interested in you, you should optimize your physical appearance and your game.

No matter how much you optimize, however, it will NOT change the fact that attraction isn’t a choice.

Some women will simply not be interested regardless of what you do.

This relates to the previous point.

Don’t waste your time on women who aren’t interested.

Spend your time wisely and you will be rewarded.

This also means that you’ll be surprised sometimes at which women are attracted to you.

Many men doubt themselves, but sometimes, the girl is just attracted to them because of her biology and who he happens to be.

The sword cuts both ways sometimes.

4 – Doing More Chores Will Not Solve Your Problem

In marriage, a common problem men have is that their wife doesn’t have sex with them.

When they ask their partner why, she answers with something along the lines of being overwhelmed by chores.

That is NOT the problem.

It is simply an excuse, so as to not tell you the truth.

The truth is that humans are not monogamous, and she’s sexually bored of you.

She’s giving you the run around now with these bullshit excuses in order to get you to stay in the relationship thinking you’ll get sex in the future.

You won’t, you’ll just be beta-izing yourself.

The only way to get sex from your partner after the “choreplay” point in the relationship is to make some serious changes.

You’re going to have to become non-monogamous, first of all (which means converting your relationship).

Likely, the attempt at converting your marriage to an open one will lead to divorce, but there really is no other way to re-establish a frame where you could get laid again.

You’re also going to have to start working out and practising talking to other women.

Having no game or sexual competence will not make your wife want to fuck you.

It will just shut that light switch off.

5 – Humans Are Not Monogamous

Let me just hammer this point a little further.

Humans are not monogamous.

Neither men nor women are made to spend their whole lives with one partner.

Men are made to be polygamous (to want multiple women at once).

Women are made to be serially monogamous (to want one guy, then move to the next guy, then the next, etc.)

You should never get into a relationship expecting that the relationship structure will make your woman want you forever.

It won’t.

Desire can’t be negotiated, remember?

Just because you’re married and IN THEORY your wife should be sexually monogamous with you, does not mean that IN PRACTICE that is what will actually happen.

Because humans are not monogamous, those relationships where you’re forced to be that way inevitably end in drama or disappointment.

Monogamous relationships end in drama, in the case of a breakup, or disappointment, in the case of sexual starvation (which as I have explained before, is akin to a man slowly agreeing to never open his eyes again, even though he can still see).

Do not fall into the trap of believing that some agreement said with words is going to override thousands of years of biological history.

It won’t and will lead to pain.

Conclusion

Desire cannot be negotiated.

It doesn’t matter what you wish the world was like, the world will be what it is.

As a result, you should wisely choose your course of action to account for the truths of the world, and not for what you wish.

Failing to do so will lead to your long term misery, and we don’t want that.

Good luck out there!

-Helios

Frequently Asked Questions:

I Keep Doing More and More Chores, But My Wife Still Won’t Fuck Me, What Gives?

Your wife is sexually bored of you.

No amount of chores will fix that.

Sorry.

You should never have been monogamous in the first place.

That Girl I Really Like Isn’t Interested In Me, I’m Going to Try and Convince Her Through Text!

You can’t.

If she doesn’t like you, nothing you do to try and convince her will work.

Just move on to a girl that might like you instead.

My Man Is Cheating On Me, I Hate Him!

You hate him for being human?

He loves you, but he NEEDS sexual variety (and so do you for that matter).

Rather than denying this fact and hating him for it, accept it and be non-monogamous.

You’ll both be better for it.

What’s Wrong With Me, All the Girls I’ve Ever Been With Have Left Me!

There is nothing wrong with you.

Humans are not monogamous.

Don’t worry about any girl leaving you.

Set up your life such that if any girl does leave you, your access to sex will not be greatly reduced.

You can then account for actual biology with your actions.