Both men and women say that they want deep conversations with their partners.
Most people, however, have not considered that men and women have different meanings for what constitutes a deep conversation!
This means that there is a fundamental disconnect in communication between the genders.
Let me elaborate…
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
This book has an amazing title, so I just had to use it!
It is applicable here though.
When it comes to what men and women want with regards to a deep conversation, it really is very different.
Because of this fundamental disconnect, men and women constantly feel like they’re not being heard.
In reality, it is because men and women are just different and are looking for different things in their conversations.
As I have previously mentioned in other posts, men should NOT try and relate to women better or bring out their emotional side in order to increase their chances with women.
In fact, they should do the reverse and purposely maintain their masculine style of communication, no matter what their partner says they want.
Section 1: Men and Their Conversational Style
What A Man Means When He Says He Wants A Deep Conversation
When a man says that he wants a deep conversation, he means just that.
He wants to delve deep into a topic and explore various aspects of it.
He wants to explore its strengths and weaknesses.
In effect, when a man says that he wants a deep conversation, he is referring to a debate.
It is perfectly OK for someone to disagree with the man’s points, so long as the arguments are clear and direct.
Information and Clarity Seeking
When men speak, they seek information and clarity.
They do not care about the deep emotional meaning behind the words, they simply want to understand.
Men communicate overtly.
It was very important for men, evolutionarily speaking, to be very clear in their explanations, as lack of clarity during a hunt could get you killed.
Men have evolved to be direct and clear.
They are not worried about the preservation of relationships or feelings when they speak.
They simply want to know that you understand.
Meaning What They Say
Men often mean exactly what they say.
They’re often not communicating some deeper message.
Instead, they are directly communicating their intent.
They seek to NOT obfuscate the truth, but rather, to state it for the benefit of both parties.
Whether they’re gregarious or intellectual, a man aims to speak directly.
Speaking directly is attractive to women!
Don’t try to be her friend if you want to fuck her!
Make it clear you’re interested. (please don’t interpret this as me advocating for kissing her ass)
Rational Debate
Men aim to debate rationally.
They tend not to attack the character of the person who disagrees with them.
Rather than that, they attack their ideas.
When a man’s ideas are worthless, the man is also worthless.
A man’s ability to orate is a skill, and men are valued by what they can DO.
Once their ideas are destroyed, they are no longer worth anything to anyone.
Of course, women are quite different, as you’ll see in a moment.
Section 2: Women and Their Conversational Style
What A Woman Means When She Says She Wants A Deep Conversation
When a woman says she wants a deep conversation, what she means is that she wants to dive deeply into the emotions of something.
She wants to feel the full range of emotions related to that topic.
Women are not so much about logic as they are about relating and emoting.
Women would rather seek emotional range than rational clarity.
This is why controversial topics or “drama-related” topics are so enjoyable for women to discuss.
It allows for the feeling of the full range of emotion.
Emotion and Implication Seeking
Rather than speak directly, women will speak indirectly and imply things.
Women seek emotional range and subtly communicate in order to attain those.
Women will often read very deeply into what is being said in order to determine nuance of meaning and feeling.
It is not so much about sharing information, as it is bonding and relating over the emotion of the event.
Women will consider a conversation as having been deep if their feelings were sufficiently engaged.
Obfuscation of What They’re Really Saying
Women will very often, in order to avoid hurt feelings, not say things directly.
They will instead state things that allow for plausible deniability, so that if they are confronted about anything, they have an out.
In this way, women give themselves the ability to backpedal, in case they have said something that inadvertently hurt the feelings of the person they’re trying to relate to.
A man is often confused at how women speak without seeming to say anything, really.
What is actually happening is an extremely complicated emotional and subtle dance, which most men will never comprehend.
Women can speak this way in front of men, and the man will often have no idea what is being said.
This subtle talk is referred to as “womanese”.
Understanding this is one of the keys to seduction.
Many seducers become able to speak rudimentary womanese.
Such is the power of practice!
Emotional Relations
As I mentioned before, women will often speak in order to relate to each other better emotionally.
It is not necessarily important to relay information as much as it is important to relay things like how much they value and appreciate the other person.
Women will subtly compliment (or jab) each other in conversation constantly.
In doing so, they deepen their emotional connections to each other.
Conclusion
As you can see, men and women communicate in extremely different ways.
It is no surprise that the genders often have trouble communicating.
Do not let this article confuse you.
You, as a man, should speak directly.
Speaking as a woman does to a woman reduces her attraction for you (since it is not masculine).
Understanding how women speak should give you some insight into their world.
This is helpful in your seduction journey.
Good luck!
-Helios
Frequently Asked Questions
Why Do Men and Women Communicate So Differently?
They communicate so differently because they have different goals.
Men’s goals are to relate information, and women’s goals are to relate emotionally to each other.
These fundamental differences lead to the different communication styles you see.
Should I Speak Directly, or Indirectly to A Girl?
You should speak directly as direct communication is masculine.
You are trying to create a masculine-feminine polarity which is necessary for seduction.
It is not possible to do that with two feminine polarities.
If I Tell A Girl to Speak More Directly, Will It Help Me To Seduce Her?
No.
She will be annoyed that you’re trying to force her to do something that is against who she is as a person.
You would be better off trying to understand what she’s saying and using it to your advantage.
If I Get Into A Rational Debate With A Woman and Win, Will I Get Laid?
No!
Arguing with girls, especially if you’ve never had sex before is a HUGE turnoff.
She doesn’t want to debate you rationally, she wants to feel emotions!
Stop trying to make her into a guy!
The Helios Blog 