I want you to get laid.
The problem is that in order to do that you have to get over the dreaded first date.
Ever felt awkward on a first date?
Me too.
Then I learned, and I was never awkward on first dates again…
Here are some rules to follow so that you too can be suave on your first dates!
Rule 1 – The First Date Should Only Last 1 Hour
“But Helios! She’s beautiful, and special and we’re having such a great time!”
Fantastic! That means she likes you! Now cut it short.
The reason you cut the first date short is because of this concept called ASD (anti slut defense).
Women do not want to be perceived as a slut, and so, they do not want to do anything sexual on the first date.
If you try being sexual on the first date, you’ll see that there is a lot of resistance.
It gets very awkward and often all of the effort you spent on building rapport is broken!
Rather than force the issue, you should sidestep it.
Your goal for the first date is to establish rapport and warmth.
Here is how you do it:
- Ask questions to lead the conversation
- If she doesn’t like the topic, change the topic subtly
- Do this until you hit a subject she loves
- Keep reflecting her good feelings back at her by asking more questions about the subject she loves
- Once the atmosphere of warmth is established, it’s time to end the date!
You should leave the date feeling like it went well.
If you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, that’s a good sign.
It means you established that rapport. Congrats!
Onto the next rule.
Rule 2 – Limit Your Talking
On the first date, a guy is looking to qualify a girl. He’s looking for reasons why he likes her.
Girls are the opposite.
On first dates, women look to disqualify. They look for things they don’t like. When they find something, they quickly lose interest.
This is especially true if they are over the age of 23, when they’re no longer in their rockstar phase (RP).
The way to reduce your chances of being disqualified is by reducing how much you talk.
Basically, during the hour that your first date lasts, the total time you as the man should talk is around 15 minutes (a quarter of the time).
The rest should be her. You direct the conversation, she talks.
Rule 3 – Never Compliment a Woman’s Appearance
I tend to never ever compliment a woman’s appearance, even if it’s past the first date. Generally, it’s safe to do so after you’ve slept with her twice.
On a first date, however, if you compliment her appearance, she’ll immediately put you in the provider category. No fuckzone for you!
You can compliment her on her outfit or some accessories she’s wearing. That’s different.
This is especially true if you then relate it to her trying to impress you.
For example, let’s say you like the outfit she’s wearing. You could say something like:
“I love that outfit, it’s very modern. It looks like you put a lot of thought into it.”
In this way, you’re subcomminicating that she worked hard to look good for YOU.
A strong frame, for sure.
Rule 4 – No Job Interview Questions
DO NOT ask the following:
- What do you do for a living
- What are your kids/parents like
- What do you like to do for fun
If you really need to, ask them very infrequently.
Basically, we’re trying to avoid having a beta date.
This is the kind of date that loser guys go on with women, where they’re bored to tears but know you have money.
Instead, ask these:
- What have you been up to lately?
- Favourite food?
- Have you been travelling lately?
- You seem like you’re a _______ person
- Beer or wine?
Basically, these questions will lead to her revealing cool things about herself, which you can then play off of to get that rapport you’re seeking.
Rule 5 – Do Not Lie
If she asks you a question you don’t want to answer, deflect, but don’t outright lie.
Some women in the lady phase (LP), above the age of 29 or so, will directly ask you if you’re seeing other women, or sleeping around.
You want to deflect, and not answer the question instead of lying. You’ll save yourself drama down the road, trust me.
Deflecting the question is in itself an answer. It’s just an alpha answer that preserves rapport since it’s veiled.
She will know what your answer is and understand that you’re the kind of person who is discreet about these things. That’s great for you!
Rule 6 – Do Not Discuss Any of Your Past Relationships or Sexual Experiences
If she asks, say a few sentences about it, and quickly redirect.
Do NOT talk about your past relationships or sexual experiences on the first date!
You don’t want the awkward breaking of rapport that bringing in your past adds.
Again, our goal for the first date is to establish rapport.
We can’t do that if we’re talking about ourselves, especially sexually.
Rule 7 – Make Her Laugh
Make jokes about the stuff she says. Don’t direct the jokes at her personally, but at situations.
When you ask her where she’s been travelling lately, for example, you can make fun of weird tourists for example.
When I say to joke, I don’t mean to neg.
She has to know you’re making a joke, and not think you’re insulting her.
Other ways to make her laugh are by talking about ridiculous things that happened to you, that are related to the things she’s talking about.
Build rapport this way and you’ll see some great results!
Rule 8 – Relax and Assume A Laid Back Posture
Before you meet the girl, if you’re nervous, take some deep breaths and try to relax. Drink water if you need to.
When you’re sitting in your chair, lean back and take up as much space as possible.
You want to give the impression that you’re lounging and comfortable.
Alphas are relaxed wherever they are, and you’re alpha, aren’t you?
When she sees that you’re relaxed, she’ll be more relaxed too. Fantastic!
Alphas are not scared of any environment they’re in.
You want the girl to feel like she’s entering a safe place, one you’ve made.
To help you with this, you could invite many women to the same place.
Once you know what to expect, you’ll feel much more comfortable and relaxing should be easier.
When you’re both relaxed and comfortable, talking about things you both enjoy, you’ve got rapport! Nice!
Rule 9 – Be Outcome Independent
Alphas are outcome independent.
This means that you don’t care about the individual outcome of the situation you’re in, you care about women as a group.
You don’t care if this date doesn’t work out. There are 100 more waiting.
You don’t chase, you replace.
When you’ve internalized the idea that no individual girl matters, but rather your ability to seduce women as a group, you’ll relax.
When you know that there are thousands of opportunities for you waiting, it isn’t hard to succeed.
Women will feel this attitude and be drawn in.
It’s powerful stuff!
Rule 10 – DO NOT Kiss on the First Date
I’m going to repeat this two more times.
Do NOT kiss on the first date.
Do NOT kiss on the first date.
Yes, even if you feel the sexual tension!
The reason is that on the first date anti-slut defense (ASD) is highest.
If you feel rapport, warmth and sexual tension on the first date, and you CUT IT SHORT before that tension is diffused, you’ll get laid on the second date FOR SURE.
If you kiss on the first date, you diffuse the sexual tension AND you increase her ASD.
Now she’s going to feel like she’s a slut for kissing you on the first date and won’t want to see you again.
I know it’s ridiculous.
Just say no to kissing on the first date!
Do this and watch how much more you get laid…
Rule 11 – Do Not Spend Money on the First Date
I don’t mean like 10 dollars.
I mean, don’t ever go on an expensive first date. EVER.
No restaurants, no movies, no rock-climbing gyms or other “event dates”.
Your first date should be in a chill, inexpensive environment.
If you go on an expensive first date, you immediately signal you’re a beta.
You’re giving up your resources too easily.
You signal that you’re easy. It’s just all bad.
Actually, I recommend never spending money on a woman ever, but that’s just me.
Let the betas in her life splurge on her while you have the great sex he wishes he could have with her.
Rule 12 – Eye Contact
Don’t stare at her the entire time, but make good eye contact.
Look at her for a few seconds, then look away, then repeat.
Good eye contact builds intimacy and rapport!
Practice good eye contact with everyone you meet.
People will like you more in general if you have good eye contact!
Rule 13 – Smile!
You should smile.
There are some rules however to HOW you should smile.
You want the girl to be “full smiling”.
You should be half smiling. It’s a much more reserved, masculine smile.
You’re subcommunicating through this smile that you’re relaxed, confident and you’re not as into her as she is into you.
I would recommend that you train yourself to never full smile again, and instead replace it with this half smile!
It is a very important subtlety…
Rule 14 – When You Do Talk, Tell Amazing Stories
No matter what you do, you’re going to have to talk at some point during the date.
You want the things that come out of your mouth to be high value, cool things.
Think about two really cool things you do.
I know you have something. Everyone has something.
If you don’t, then you should aim to build a life where you do have something like this.
These can be anything.
For me, I play the guitar and practise martial arts. I’ve also travelled to many countries
Whenever a girl asks me about me, I will tell a story related to one of these topics.
You do the same.
Telling amazing stories makes a good impression, helping you with rapport. She also will want to know more about you, making it more likely she’ll want to see you in the future.
Amazing!
Rule 15 – Break the Touch Barrier
This is why I prefer walking dates.
It is very easy to touch a girl when you’re walking.
You can lightly push her, touch her hands, shoulders, whatever.
The way that you break the touch barrier is stepwise.
You don’t want to make her uncomfortable, so you start with places that are less personal.
Here is a list of less personal areas:
- Shoulder
- Upper Arm
- Upper Back
Slightly more personal areas:
- Hands
- Bicep
- Waist
I hope I don’t have to tell you the very personal areas.
You won’t be touching those on the first date, on purpose!
Try this fun way to break the touch barrier:
When she says something ridiculous, you can lightly push her.
Something I like to do is just walk into her gently while we’re talking, pushing her off to the side.
When done in a lighthearted way it builds rapport and is fun! You’ll feel like a kid again.
It builds that warm fuzzy feeling. Try it and you’ll see what I’m talking about!
Rule 16 – Do Not Neg
Do not insult a girl to bring her down a peg.
In my experience it doesn’t work and only serves to piss her off.
Negging breaks rapport, which we’re trying to build!
Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by insulting the girl!
Again, on the first date our goal is to build rapport, not take her ego down.
Girls with big egos in fact, are easier to seduce.
We don’t want to bring that down, but instead egg it on.
Rule 17 – Be 5 Minutes Late
If you scheduled the meet for 6: 30, be there at 6: 35.
If she texts you at 6: 30, saying she’s there, even if you’re there, reply back at 6: 35 with “here”.
This is important because it subcommunicates that your time is more valuable than hers.
She will feel like she’s meeting someone more important than her, and this will help you to activate her hypergamy (the thing girls have where they want a superior partner).
This is a small subtlety that will improve your odds of getting laid later.
Rule 18 – Make Her Come Find You
If you’re meeting at a mall or coffee shop or whatever, you tell her where you are and have her find you.
She’s already putting in effort to be with you when you get her to do this.
You definitely want a frame of her doing things for you or chasing you.
This starts both of you off on the right foot!
It is a subtlety that will improve your results!
Rule 19 – Hygiene
Make sure your outfit is coordinated and your shoes are clean.
Make sure you have good posture and your breath smells good.
Core exercises improve your posture if it’s bad. So do martial arts.
Cologne helps as well.
Watch out for sweaty armpits!
To avoid the sweaty armpit thing you can shave your armpits and use antiperspirant.
We’re trying to make a good impression and build rapport. Hard to do when you’re sweaty, smelly and have bad posture.
Another thing is wearing a darker shirt. Darker shirts hide sweat better than lighter ones, especially if they’re cotton.
Rule 20 – Pay the Tab
If you meet at a coffee shop, buy the coffees for both of you.
Once again, make sure that you’re not meeting at a place that’s too expensive.
15$ is no big deal, so you should pay.
Once again, NEVER go on an expensive date with a girl. It sends the wrong message!
Conclusion
And that’s 20 rules you can follow to do better on a first date!
Try all of them and see how much better you do 🙂
Again, keep the date to 1 hour and cut it short.
You want the girl to feel all warm and fuzzy inside by the end of this date so that she wants to meet you again.
NOTHING sexual on the first date and NO KISSING. We don’t want to spike ASD.
Build rapport then cut it short!
Good luck!
-Helios
Frequently Asked Questions:
On the Date, She’s Not Talking, What Should I Do ?
Give her one of your amazing DHV stories! Watch her light up as you dazzle her with how cool you are!
Once you’ve told a story like that, she’s bound to pitch in 🙂
She Was 20 Minutes Late, Do I Leave?
Some women are terrible planners that are often late.
If she texts you, apologizing for being late, there’s no problem. Continue the date as planned.
If she doesn’t apologize for being late, leave!
The message you communicate is that you’re an alpha whose time is important. She may even chase in response to you leaving because she was late.
Message her the next day like nothing happened and pitch the date for 1-3 days from when she was late.
Watch as she’s incredibly punctual the next date!
I’m Really Awkward About Touching Women, How Do I Do It?
Unfortunately, you’re going to have to go through that awkwardness to get to the other side.
Women don’t like sleeping with awkward men.
In general, you want to start with areas that are not very personal. An area you would touch on one of your guy friends (Back, shoulder, upper arm, fist).
Should I Smile from Ear to Ear the Whole Date?
Of course not!
You need a subtle half smile!
Practice.
If you’re having a good time, you can hold this subtle half smile for most of the date!
Don’t be smiling from ear to ear though!
She Wants to Kiss Me at the End of the Date, Should I Let Her?
NO!
No kissing on the first date! Even if she wants to.
Her wanting to kiss you on the first date is a very good sign though.
It means you’re very likely to get laid on the second. If you don’t kiss her that is.
The Helios Blog 