Many men want to be better at getting dates and dating in general.
The problem is that many men are nervous to go up and talk to women.
This is called approach anxiety.
In this post, I’m going to give you 10 tips that can help you beat your approach anxiety!
Finally you’ll get to talk to those girls you’re interested in…
1 – Approach Her Immediately, Don’t Wait
Men are their own worst enemy sometimes.
Many men have the problem of getting into their own head.
Many men see a pretty girl and get so caught up in the minute details of what might happen they talk themselves out of approaching!
Follow these steps when you see a girl you want to talk to:
- Figure out how best to approach her from the front
- Think quickly of some opening line to say related to the venue you’re in
- Approach!
This should take you no longer than 2 minutes!
Do NOT stare at her the whole time while you’re making your plan.
An approach where you say “hey” is way better than getting into your own head and letting the opportunity slip past you
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take!
Rejection is way better than regret.
Just go up to her and practice! You’ll be happy you did.
2 – Cultivate Outcome Independence
Understand and internalize the idea that you’re not interested in this outcome or this girl in particular.
You care about your success with women in general.
When you see that pretty girl, and you think of her as just practice in your journey to improve yourself with women, it takes a lot of pressure off.
It really is no big deal to get rejected.
Not everyone is going to like you, so what?
Once you’re good at approaching women, you won’t even remember all the girls that weren’t interested in you.
You’ll be too busy enjoying those that are interested!
Women respect and can feel an aura of “not giving a damn”.
Once you have it, you’ll see what I mean!
You’ll have no problem talking to women once you know that there are plenty more around the corner.
3 – Be Non-Monogamous
When you have not committed yourself to only one girl, it makes it way easier to talk to new girls.
There is no guilt.
Also, it means that you likely have another woman or women you’re with already.
It is much easier to take risks when you have a secure base!
You can rest assured when you’re approaching new women that you’re still going to get laid whether you pass or fail with this particular girl.
In many ways, seduction is hardest at the beginning.
Once you have two regular FWBs you’re seeing, everything else becomes much easier.
Once again, non-monogamy is an incredible advantage.
It helps you to be more courageous!
4 – Assume the Sale
A lot of guys get stuck on the idea that the girl won’t be interested in them.
They give up before they’ve even tried!
For most women, when you talk to them and try to get their number, even if they’re not interested, you’ll likely have made their day.
They’ll feel validated that someone was interested in them.
You’re doing them a favour by approaching!
Assume that women want you to talk to them (most of them do, and this is triply true if you’re attractive) and you’ll do way better with approaching in general!
Once you are talking to them, assume that they want to give you their number.
They should, since you’re an awesome guy with a cool life!
They deserve to have someone amazing like you there to sexually satisfy them!
If they reject you, they have no idea what they missed.
Don’t worry, there is always another girl around the corner.
When one door closes, another door opens, after all!
5 – Assume An Upright, Confident Posture
It is psychologically proven that standing with an upright, “chest-out” posture improves our confidence.
You need to work on your posture.
If you slouch regularly, it may be hurting you more than you think!
Practice standing fully upright, with your chest out, pretending you’re squeezing a pop can between your shoulder blades and looking 1000 metres ahead.
This proud, confident posture will make you feel more confident, easing your approaches.
It will also make women you approach more receptive! Women want a confident guy!
If you have poor posture, it likely means your core is weak.
Work on that through exercise!
You should be going to the gym or doing martial arts 3-4x every week!
6 – Get Yourself Into An Extroverted Mood
The way to get yourself into an extroverted, approaching mood is easy.
Ease into it!
Listen to some music you enjoy that pumps you up!
Afterwards, talk to low-risk people.
You could talk to someone working in a store, and transition your questions to them into a small talk conversation.
You could talk to that old dude in the elevator.
You could talk to that guy sitting near you on the bus.
Whatever it takes to get you in a talking mood and knowing that people enjoy your company!
Once you’ve eased into it psychologically, approaching women will be much easier!
7 – Bring A Friend
Something that may work for you to ease your anxiety is to have a friend with you.
Make a contest out of approaching!
Say something like: “dude, I’m gonna go get that girl’s number” to your friend.
He’s likely going to reply by calling you crazy.
You can prove him wrong by approaching, and you have a safe place to return to once you’ve finished.
It is all the more impressive to your friend if you actually succeed!
You can then dare your friend to do the same, and make a game out of it.
When you make it about the contest, and not about the girl, it takes the pressure off you to succeed, and will make your approaches much smoother and more successful!
You can always blame your friend if the girl finds it awkward too.
Say something like: “my friend dared me to do it.”
She’ll laugh, and you can have a smooth exit, if things aren’t going well.
8 – Go To A Venue That You Really Like
If you go to a place where people are doing one of your favourite things, it will be much easier to be in a good mood.
When you’re in a good mood, approaching is much easier.
Let’s say you like jazz music. If you’re in a jazz club, listening to music you really enjoy, it will be much easier to talk to a girl there.
Also, she’s likely to have a common interest, which will make rapport on the first date easier!
Something else you could do is frequent a venue regularly. This will increase your comfort, and make your approaches easier.
For example, you could go to the food court in one mall and regularly make approaches there.
Your comfort will increase a lot if you keep going to the same place.
Make sure if you want to talk to women in any public venue that you have plausible deniability.
Don’t just walk up to random girls in the food court and talk to them. Have food with you, or a book, or whatever.
You want your approaches to appear spontaneous to an outside observer.
Also, don’t go to the mall food court and make 15 approaches. Make a maximum of 2, then change locations.
Try it!
9 – Look For Women Who Are Giving You IOI’s and Approach Them
It is much easier to approach a woman who is giving you indicators of interest than random girls.
Here are a few to look for:
- A girl keeps glancing at you in the food court, in the bookstore, etc.
- You’re sitting by yourself in an area, let’s say a mall, and a girl sits really close to you, in your line of sight.
- A girl brushes past you in a public, non-crowded area.
- A group of girls nearby to you starts talking really loud when you walk by.
- A girl asks you for directions, or initiates conversation with you any other way.
- A girl nearby to you seems overly fidgety or nervous, while having a relaxed facial expression.
These women have likely noticed you and are trying to get your attention!
Approach them!
You’ll see that they’re much more receptive to your approach.
I call it a “warm approach”, when you talk to a girl who’s giving you IOI’s that you’ve never met before.
Getting these girl’s phone numbers is way easier!
10 – Be Dressed Stylishly
It is much easier to approach women when you look good.
When you’re well dressed, you’re much more likely to feel confident.
You also will likely stand out in the venue you’re in. This means that you’re situationally alpha.
This will make the women you approach much more likely to want to talk to you!
Your approaches will definitely be easier as a result!
Make sure you’re looking and feeling your best when you go out, and approaching will definitely be easier!
Conclusion
Many men struggle with approaching women, but there are many things you can do to improve the odds of your approach!
Here is the list again:
- Approach immediately
- Be outcome independent
- Be non-monogamous
- Assume the sale
- Be in an upright, confident posture
- Get yourself into an extroverted mood
- Bring a friend
- Go to a venue you really like
- Approach women giving you IOI’s
- Be dressed stylishly
If you do even three of the items on this list, your approaches will be much easier.
I would recommend doing most, or all of them.
You’ll notice that it is much easier to succeed when you follow this advice.
Good luck!
-Helios
Frequently Asked Questions:
I Keep Getting Into My Own Head When I Want To Approach A Girl, What Do I Do?
Rather than think about it for hours, just go up and say hey!
Have a smalltalk conversation for 5-10 minutes then ask for her number.
Good luck!
I’m Really Interested In The Cashier At Lululemon, How Do I Get Her?
Talk to her!
If she’s not into you, there’s 100 more lululemon cashiers where she came from.
I Always Feel Down, And Have Trouble Approaching As A Result, Help!
Is it possible you have seasonal affect? Try one of those special lights!
Another option is, before you go out, listen to music that pumps you up, to change your mood.
You’ll feel much better when you have a roster of 3 women.
Ask me how I know!
That Girl Sat Awfully Close to Me, Is That A Coincidence?
Nope!
Talk to her!
She’s trying to get your attention, dude.
I Have a Problem With Slouching, How Do I Fix It?
Core Exercises!
Working out at the gym or doing a martial art regularly should also fix the problem.
Imagine you’re squeezing a popcan between your shoulder blades and look straight ahead (not down) as you walk!
The Helios Blog 