A lot of men email me and ask how they can revive a failed LTR.
I’m going to tell you it’s not worth it.
While I have written a post on how to escape the friend zone (an unlikely occurrence), I will not be writing a post on how to get your GF back.
It is a fundamentally stupid idea to root through the trash.
If your monogamous relationship didn’t work out with a girl once, what makes you think it will go better the second time?
Here we go…
Once A Problem, Always A Problem
If you do get together with a girl you’ve previously been with, you’ll have an extremely brief period of honeymoon phase (probably 2 weeks or so), where you remember why you liked each other in the first place.
This is quickly followed by an immediate reminder of why you broke up.
All of the old problems you had will resurface and there will instantly be drama and tension.
Once something is a problem in your relationship, it will always be a problem.
Returning to that failed place will NOT remove or resolve the problems that were previously there.
Unless you enjoy living a life of problems and drama, DO NOT return to a failed relationship.
You are much better off pursuing new prospects that won’t give you annoying drama and tension.
Monogamy Sucks
The truth is that monogamy sucks, and oftentimes, the reason you had problems in your relationship in the first place was because humans are NOT monogamous.
Many of the problems you will ever have with a girl would be resolved if you decided to not be monogamous again.
You would never again have problems with sexual denial or with the fear of losing your partner.
You would know that your other partners are waiting for you, as are new potential women in your life.
The women in your life would also lose much of their control over you, as any attempts at beta-ization from them would be met with a swift withdrawal of attention from you.
Try it for yourself!
Beta-ization
As I mentioned, beta-ization often happens in relationships.
Beta-ization is the idea that as men stay in monogamous relationships, even if they started off as alpha, due to constant sexual denial, shit tests and weakening of their frame, they become beta.
Many of the relationship problems men have stem from sexual denial and beta-ization, problems which are easily resolved with non-monogamy.
Of course, when you return to an old relationship, your ex will want you to continue to be the same beta you were when the relationship ended.
This will cause most men to chafe, as they remember why they hated being together with their ex in the first place.
They almost instantly miss being single and able to go after multiple women again.
Emotional Blackmail
When you return to an old relationship, often emotional blackmail can occur.
This is the concept of women using the fact that you left them to shame you and control your actions.
In arguments, they will bring up the things that caused them to leave you in the first place and imply sexual withdrawal if those behaviours continue.
Emotional blackmail is a key strategy in beta-ization.
Make the man feel bad for being masculine, and withdraw sex.
As they become less masculine, lose attraction for them and eventually cheat.
Effectively, by being in a monogamous relationship, you sign your own slow relationship death sentence.
Parasitism
Some women in relationships use their man as a means to an end.
They are not a boyfriend, they are a pawn to be leached off of.
Boyfriends for these women are taxis, grocery carriers, repairmen and free rent, but NOT sex partners.
Returning to a partner like this is utterly ridiculous, but some men do it, for the familiarity of it.
If you allow yourself to be used in this way, I have no sympathy for you.
You have been warned.
Don’t let women parasitize off of you in a relationship, be non-monogamous and prevent the problem!
Focus On New Prospects
You are always better off focusing on new women than on women who treated you poorly and then left.
This equally applies if you left them.
Something about them was bad enough that they did not warrant any more of your attention.
Remember that!
You will be much better off happiness-wise if you don’t bring old drama back into your life.
Focus on new prospects, whose behaviour will be better!
This does not apply if a girl left from a FWB or NMG relationship.
Those women left because you refused to bend.
They will return when they crave some alpha energy in their life.
You can gladly accept those women back into your life.
Of course, FWBs (friends with benefits) and NMGs (non-monogamous girlfriends) are almost always low drama, so it is easy to accept them again.
If It Was Bad, It Would Have Gotten Worse
Keep in mind that if the relationship was bad at the end, it would have gotten worse if you had stayed.
Very often, people are justified in leaving relationships that were not going well.
This also means, however, that you should NOT return!
Óbviously, returning to such a failed place is idiotic!
You will almost invariably make the relationship worse than it was before if you return!
I am of course referring to LTRs.
FWBs and NMGs follow the boomerang rules.
Women tend to naturally leave when they see that they can’t control a man.
Don’t be upset, just revive the connection in 4-6 months.
They will be happy to see you again and will be just as sexual as they were when you had them before!
See why being non-monogamous is good?
There Is No ONE
Keep in mind that there’s no ONE person that can make you happy.
In fact, clinging to the fantasy notion of there being only ONE person for you out there leads to the misery of many people.
It is also often the reason that people return to failed relationships.
They falsely believe that they have lost the one perfect person for them.
Of course this is not the case.
There are many people out there who will make you happy, and in fact, I would argue that you are limiting your happiness by believing that there is only one.
You should care enough about your time, personal happiness and well being to end relationships that are not making you happy.
This sort of attitude ironically makes you more attractive to women.
When they know that you aren’t willing to accept just any kind of treatment, they behave well around you.
This is what it means to have good frame!
Conclusion
As you can see, there are many reasons why you should not return to a failed relationship.
Of course, as you know, I advocate against monogamy here, so I don’t recommend you ever get into a monogamous relationship.
If that is your style though, do not return to a bad monogamous relationship just because you think she was the only good girl out there for you.
You are WRONG about that.
There are many girls out there that will make you happy.
Don’t make yourself miserable worrying about losing one particular one.
Good luck out there!
-Helios
Frequently Asked Questions:
My Girl Said She Loves Me! I’m On Top of the World!
Great!
Keep in mind that women don’t love men the same way that men love women.
You can’t lose your edge, or you will see that love quickly wane…
My Girl Tells Me That If I Don’t Do The Dishes, I Won’t Get Laid, Help!
She’s controlling you because she knows that she’s your only option.
Would she be doing this if she knew that you could leave at any point to go sleep with other women?
Doubtful.
All of the Previous Girls I’ve Been With Have Been Garbage, I’m Looking for The One!
There is NO ONE.
That is a nice lie told to men to make them believe that they can be loved unconditionally.
They can’t.
I know reality is sad, but that doesn’t make it untrue.
Lose your edge and be destroyed.
You will NEVER find this mythical unicorn girl.
My Girl Doesn’t Seem To Love Me Like She Did Before, Even Though We’ve Gotten Back Together, What Gives?
That is because all of the old problems your relationship had are still present!
They won’t disappear just because you’ve been apart for a while!
By the way, “communication” won’t solve your problems either.
That will beta-ize you and make the problem worse!
The Helios Blog 